good, and you?
Here I am back in blogworld posting. Let's see, what am I pissed about besides the fact that I have to live with the two most openly affectionnate dykes in the state. I'm talking openly affectionnate like I have to hear them eating eachother out during their periods while I try to enjoy a wholesome episode of AFV and sometimes they splash blood on me. I've asked them to only 69 in the kitchen but they won't listen!
Besides that I'm pretty much happy. Oh except for the fact that I'm a slave to a Brazillian steakhouse. (I am withholding the name because we all know what happens if I talk about my job on my blog) I've noticed some ratial stereotypes because of the massive volume of customers that I wait on.
1. There are A LOT more women married to gay men than you would ever believe.
2. Black people. 'nuf said. They tip 10% IF they're generous. Ask for straws with everything. I'm not just talkin the free water. I had a black lady ask where her straw was when I brought her a martini the other day. My one friend at work told me this is their way of getting reperations for slavery. I believe it.
Black people also treat the buffet likes its a treasure chest of gold and they only get one chance to fill their plates. I'm talking MOUNTAINS of food. Salad with oysters on top of risotto and salami with wasabi and oil over everything. And they don't even try to start eating what they have before they start hailing down the meat carvers to pile more beef ribs and lamb chops on top of the plate.
They eat with their napkins tucked into their shirt, COVERED in greasy finger marks and only use silverware for scooping. Why use a knife when you got teef and fingers for ripping. I know this sounds really racist but if you worked there for a week you would see. And why the fuck are they so fat.
3. Asians. Okay I already have enough problems with these jerks on the road, but I hate them even more when I have to wait on them. First of all, I have yet to wait on an Asian (a straight up asian, not just an american with slanty eyes) who drinks anything other than water. Oh, excuse me- water with LEMON! Fuck people who think they deserve straws and lemon when they don't get a drink.
Asians also act like skittish ferile cats when you approach the table to ask about anything. Cowering and looking down, to the left, right, anywhere but at you. I'm not gonna kick you down the stairs! Oh yeah, and Asians will also sit for 2 to 4 hours and eat the entire time. It's insane. You would not think these tiny little stylish people could eat with such endurance, out-eating the gigantic black people any day.
Fuck, I need to graduate college
posted by Tommie Shefsky @ 11:50 AM
6 Comments:
so you took a little vacay from blogworld...this was by far your best post in a long while. please update more often with entertaining, racially offensive stories.
and you know me + karaoke...I'm calling you right now.
and I don't care how many times you've told the Taffy story; I want to hear YOUR version.
How about when people are really nice, act like they like you, tell you "thank you" about 80 fucking times, and then leave about 8%. What the fuck people? And I know exactly what you mean about category number 2...I once had a number 2 couple (pun intended) come in, order ONE sprite, leave, and not pay or tip. Yes, that's a true story.
You forgot to include the girlfriends who act pissy that you're a cute waitress. They get all bitchy when their boyfriends are nice to you and throw the minimal manners that they do have out the window. You better believe I was rubbing my gonorrhea-clad snatch all over their food.
We could probably share waitressing stories for about 39 weeks straight. People are the worst.
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okay black people ONLY verbal tip
I love you so much. More than Kyle loves Aunt Taffy even.
I think Will loves Aunt Taffy more than you though. He's a perv.
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