Why is it that I can only blog when my mind is supposed to be used for other things. I'm so burnt out on memorizing bullshit I will never remember again the second I put it down on paper. I have 4 exams next week, the same week! I miss community colleges, all four of them. Southern Maine, COD, Harold and of course, Malcolm. They were so easy and I was always near the smartest in the class (at Malcolm I was the smartest in the school, and the only one over 19 without a kid). Now I'm usually in the bottom 5 dumbest. FUCK! This post sucks. I had something I was going to write about but then I forgot my password and it took forever to retrieve so now I have nothing. It's warm out.

match.com has gone too far!!

So I was logging onto my myspace account when I was attacked by the creepiest match.com video ever. It's titled "find single doctors in your area." There's this Joey from friends looking male model guy in scrubs like checking his charts and then looking up at you with a half smile and then fidgeting with his stethescope, adorably, and all the while those sexy/serious eyes and pouty lips playfully joining along. At the end of the clip he's walking away and then stops and half-turns for a second wishing that we could be together.

BARF!

I thought doctor's were supposed to be smart.

overheard at Malcolm X

I know posting twice in one day is a faux pas, but there was just too damn much material!

characters:
FAS (fetal alchohol syndrome looking black lady)
FBL (fat BL, who's really nice)

FAS: I heard that Puerto Ricans are half white and half black.
FBL: Really?
FAS: Yeah my dad told me that the mastahs used to have sex with the slaves and when they were pregnant they would ship em to a island. Thats where the name comes from- Puerto Rican, Ported Africans.
(right after discussing how ignorant Phillipinos are)

FAS:What race was that guy who shot all them kids?
FBL: Asian.
FAS: (dumfounded look)
FBL: Chinese.
FAS: (still dumbfounded look)
FBL: They do yo nails!
FAS: OH, one of them.

I am NOT making this up

Found this

Okay so I was cleaning out my email and found this thing that I emailed to myself because I tried to blog it and it didn't work. Thought better late than never...

Attention all girls born between 1980 and 1986! There is a Little Mermaid (DVD Version) wine and cheese party December 6th!! All you need to bring is enough wine for yourself and cheese if you're hungry. Boys are not strictly forbidden however they must be able to say 2 quotations, not from a song, and identify the character of two random quotes given.

I'm sorry but this movie is not about conversation and background music. It is about wine, cheese, cigarettes, and obsession with Ariel. The after party can be negotiated but I'm not kidding that if you aren't ready to hang out and exclusivelly talk about The Little Mermaid and personal incidents regarding such (fighting with your sister over who gets to have red hair and be called Ariel at your local pool) don't bother coming. You are also allowed to talk about how handsome my cat is as well as Kaitlin's dog. All cute animals are welcome (I'm looking your way Kristin and Sarah) This is a somewhat Christmas party. If I can get my shit together in time to get a tree and stand from the salvation army, we will all be making bows. They are very simple- however not as simple as Joe Doran's mind and his mother whilst conceiving him..

I must see all the girlz- stef, nana, jessica, margaret, will, RUBY, SARAH KRISTIN, DACIA- thise in caps constantly avoid me and MUST be there, DAcia- nick and Lizzy afre also invited!! This is happening no matter what- not like the Great America trip this summer!!

Side Note- I will be texting this to as many people as possible so refer them to this blog. We can send all of our bicurious boyfriends to have an uncomfortable night of jealousy at Will, Ben and Erich's smelly and muggy balls apartment. GIRLZ RULE!!

FYI- IF there isn't a good turnout I will end this blog and kill myself and exclusively have one night stands at gay clubs (which I already do, but now I can justify it- just kidding I have a serious boyfriend- or do I...)

Drunk+ Blogging= OC Aggressiveness. Sorry to anyone attacked in this post.

anotha one bites the dust-a

I just quit my HORRIBLE job on Monday and not a moment too soon. I called out sick (which I was really not sick and just wanted to start looking for a new job) and my boss told the receptionist to tell me that if I'm sick I need to come in and prove it to him and THEN I can go home. Ummm yeah, you can go suck your own dick Pedro, oh I'm sorry "Peter."

So I called back and quit. I also sent in a sexual harrasment complaint against the kitchen manager who fired all my gays. He DID french kiss my neck the other day while I was texting and he IS over 350 pounds and VERY sweaty. I like CAPS!

So in a nutshell, I'm free. Free to be me. I do however wish that I could have stayed another week or two so my rent would be better covered and I could have bought some new clothes. Oh well, I can always revert back to highschool and steal. Maura watches all those babies, I could take one and FILL the stroller. No one suspects moms of stealing, unless they're black.

good, and you?

Here I am back in blogworld posting. Let's see, what am I pissed about besides the fact that I have to live with the two most openly affectionnate dykes in the state. I'm talking openly affectionnate like I have to hear them eating eachother out during their periods while I try to enjoy a wholesome episode of AFV and sometimes they splash blood on me. I've asked them to only 69 in the kitchen but they won't listen!

Besides that I'm pretty much happy. Oh except for the fact that I'm a slave to a Brazillian steakhouse. (I am withholding the name because we all know what happens if I talk about my job on my blog) I've noticed some ratial stereotypes because of the massive volume of customers that I wait on.

1. There are A LOT more women married to gay men than you would ever believe.

2. Black people. 'nuf said. They tip 10% IF they're generous. Ask for straws with everything. I'm not just talkin the free water. I had a black lady ask where her straw was when I brought her a martini the other day. My one friend at work told me this is their way of getting reperations for slavery. I believe it.
Black people also treat the buffet likes its a treasure chest of gold and they only get one chance to fill their plates. I'm talking MOUNTAINS of food. Salad with oysters on top of risotto and salami with wasabi and oil over everything. And they don't even try to start eating what they have before they start hailing down the meat carvers to pile more beef ribs and lamb chops on top of the plate.
They eat with their napkins tucked into their shirt, COVERED in greasy finger marks and only use silverware for scooping. Why use a knife when you got teef and fingers for ripping. I know this sounds really racist but if you worked there for a week you would see. And why the fuck are they so fat.

3. Asians. Okay I already have enough problems with these jerks on the road, but I hate them even more when I have to wait on them. First of all, I have yet to wait on an Asian (a straight up asian, not just an american with slanty eyes) who drinks anything other than water. Oh, excuse me- water with LEMON! Fuck people who think they deserve straws and lemon when they don't get a drink.
Asians also act like skittish ferile cats when you approach the table to ask about anything. Cowering and looking down, to the left, right, anywhere but at you. I'm not gonna kick you down the stairs! Oh yeah, and Asians will also sit for 2 to 4 hours and eat the entire time. It's insane. You would not think these tiny little stylish people could eat with such endurance, out-eating the gigantic black people any day.

Fuck, I need to graduate college

be there

LEO: challenging, flamboyant, overbearing, lazy, egotistic,
Let's celebrate the birth of these assholes

When? August 9th
Where? Six Flags Great America of course
Who? Everyone, especially if you're in a wheel chair or retarded so we can start at the head of the line

I know it's usually a ridiculous $50 for a ticket but Sarah can get them for $30 from her credit union. We will be bringing a lot of flasks and making t-shirts before with our own airbrush kits. I smell a smiley face with an Italian flag....

NO Hank! That's not Jesus's way

I was reminded of that awesome moment in Maura teasing history last night thanks to meeting Erich's brother named Hank. I LOLed in bed last night thinking about it. Oh Barb.